If I had a dime for all the times somebody has asked me that phrase this week, I would be richer than Bill Gates. This week has literally took me to hell and back and I’ve never experienced such a crazed week with such unfortunate events simultaneously. About two days ago, I really questioned my sanity. I asked my friend if she could take me away. If she could take me to the hospital, or if she would let me call someone of authority to help me. To save me. It took her two hours to calm me down and take me back to reality. It took her awhile for me to stop talking so negatively of myself and she had places to go , people to see. In the end, she took me to her dance practice and made me wait in the lobby, and she was so concerned she checked up on me every ten minutes.
It all comes down to the strive to succeed after you have fallen. Normally, when I fall, I do try to get back up.. But every time I’ve tried, something worse would happen. Its like the positive notion I had within could not surpass the negative events that came about. By breaking point I just couldn’t take any of it anymore… I just didn’t want to deal with all the misfortune. I kept thinking that, I deserved every negative event that happened, and I just can’t do any more..
- I can’t make them proud.
- No matter how hard I try to keep things together, my reasoning is still not good enough.
- I study so hard and seek help, but I still can’t nail it.
- I try my hardest to be trusted and prove it, but still, I am flawed. And its all my fault. Always.
- I will never be good enough, for any of you.
Its hurts to try in ever aspect and still fail. To be repeatedly hurt when all you wish was to be on the same page. To have the chance to be looked at without such strong comparison.
This whole week infected my mind. This whole week, was just too much.